It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing
by Haven Sky
Summary: Sonny Kiriakis told his dad he needed to accept that Will couldn't remember anything and move on, but he writes his true feelings in his diary. Starts off sad but ends happy. Based on the song "It Only Hurts When I'm Breathing" by Shania Twain.


_Dear Diary,_

 _I told my dad a while ago that I need to accept that Will doesn't love me and that I must move on, but I'm not sure who I was trying to convince...my dad or myself. It's so much easier said than done to just move on and accept that Will doesn't love me anymore. It's hard for me to accept that he can't remember anything._

 _But he wants Paul now. So I must learn to accept it. In the end, it is his decision who he's with, not mine._

 _I promised Will that we'd move slowly, but I would get so caught up in the moment, I would forget that it's not 2014 anymore. Will doesn't remember anything. I realized now that I moved too quickly. I mean, I kissed him once before he agreed to come back to Salem, and once before he agreed to move in with me. And don't get me wrong, I don't regret kissing him at all. I just regret that I did it so quickly._

 _Will, if by some chance you ever see this, please know that I will always love you no matter what. Even if I end up with another guy...well, actually, scratch that. I'm not giving up on you. Sooner or later, you'll remember your life, your family, your friends, and us. And despite the pain I feel right now, I will wait as long as it takes. Because with or without amnesia, whether you remember me or not, you still are the best thing that ever happened to me. And being with you, lying next to you, being in each other's arms, it's all worth the wait._

 _But for right now...I think these lyrics best sum up how I feel:_

" _It only hurts when I'm breathing. My heart only breaks when it's beating. My dreams only die when I'm dreaming. So I hold my breath to forget"._

Sonny puts down his pen and rests his head on his hands, staring out the window into the rain falling outside. Will is all he can think about. He flashes back to the day about two weeks before Christmas when Will agreed to move in with him. The way Will smiled at him...tears began to fill Sonny's eyes.

A single tear landed on the paper he'd been writing on. He'd tried everything to make Will remember; that first kiss at the bar in Memphis, then pouring his heart out to Will a few weeks later, only to be rejected and kicked out like what he was saying meant nothing.

"Sonny", he heard a familiar voice say, jerking him out of his thoughts. _Oh stop,_ Sonny thought, _there's no way that's real._

"Sonny", the voice repeated. And when Sonny felt a hand on his shoulder...he froze. A gasp escaped his lips. He turned to see Will standing there.

"Will!", Sonny cried, trembling.

Will wiped a tear away from Sonny's cheek. "Sonny, please stop crying", Will said softly.

Sonny was confused. Will was clearly in love with Paul. What made him decide to see Sonny?

"Will, I can't. I'm h-hurt", Sonny stammered.

The look on Sonny's face was one Will had dreaded seeing again, the hurt and sadness in his deep brown eyes. The look that was too similar to Sonny's face when Will told him he wanted a divorce. It brought tears to Will's eyes.

"I'm sorry I hurt you, I really am", Will said, "And I know you think I love Paul. But, the truth is, I've been thinking about you a lot lately".

Sonny's heart began to pound. "Will, do you-can you—"

"No, not yet, unfortunately", Will said. And Sonny's heart dropped again.

"But, I can't deny, you've been on my mind", Will restated.

"Will, you don't have to lie to make me feel better. I know you heart's with Paul. You said so yourself", Sonny said, catching Will off guard.

"Sonny, I'm not lying, I promise", Will said, "When I was locked up in that mausoleum with Paul, I will admit, Paul and I did become closer. But the longer we were there, the more I remembered how nice you've been to me, how much you loved me. I started to fear that I'd never see you again".

Sonny was speechless. But despite the fact that he had butterflies in his stomach, he couldn't help but think: _Am I being played here?_

Will must have sensed Sonny's suspicion, because he grabbed Sonny's face and pulled him up into a kiss. Sonny was surprised and could only moan into Will's mouth.

"Now do you believe me?", Will said after the kiss ended. Sonny was starry eyed. He tried to say something but could only stutter.

Will giggled. Sonny was adorable when this happened. The day Will had agreed to move in with Sonny, when they kissed, Sonny could only laugh and say, "Is it...hot in here or is it just me?"

"I wish I could remember when we were together, because I imagine it was a fairy tale love. And the way you described it, it sounds like it was just perfect", Will beamed.

Sonny was so happy, he didn't want to ruin the moment by saying that they had their downs as well as their ups.

"Will, I—I just want you to know that I never stopped loving you. Even though we've been through hell recently, my heart stayed with you the whole time", Sonny said.

"I know, Sonny", Will said, "I just wish I would have felt the same way when you guys found me. I don't think I'll ever forget how happy you were when you saw me in Memphis, well, before I...ruined everything".

"Will, stop it", Sonny whispered, "You didn't ruin anything. But please, let's just forget about the past. Let's just focus on our future, even if we have to start all over again".

"I'd like that", Will said, a smile on his face that took Sonny's breath away.

"I love you, Will Horton", Sonny said.

"I love you too, Sonny Kiri—Kiriak—sorry, I still have trouble saying your last name", Will laughed, his face burning red again.

"That's okay, baby", Sonny giggled, "I don't mind at all. I'm just happy to have you back".


End file.
